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Finally Figured Out Something I Could Write A Post About

Posted on in news post rant

And that would be the dream I had last night. It was not about me, or anyone I knew, or anyone that existed in real life... Except for maybe Masashi Kishimoto.

It all started with Naruto and Sakura jumping through the trees the way they normally do. Sakura or Naruto was holding a child, I don't remember exactly who was holding it, but do know that it was their son. The family was running from another shinobi whose weapon looked like three circular saw blades placed on a bar and attached to a chain. See bad illustration:

Bad illustration.

I almost forgot to mention that it was also covered in lightning, sooo...

Equally bad illustration.

Awesome! Yeah, it looked waaaay cooler in the dream, but this is all I could make on such short notice. Anyway, the douche with the crazy weapon was never really shown except as a black shadow. But he was a badass with that thing, swinging it around, knocking down trees and shit. The scene that's most memorable was what came after the flourishing and chasing and shit. Cue scene!

Naruto and Sakura are coming up to a fence, they jump as the douche swings his weapon. The three blades are shown closing in on Sakura's body, electricity being thrown off as they spin rapidly.

A grunt is heard.

The pained look on her face.

Naruto's piercing screaming.

Her harm falls limp on the edge of the fence, but Naruto grabs it before she can fall. Fade out.

Fade back in at a clinic, Sakura is perfectly fine with only a minor cut along her belly, smiling and being happy.


... ...

... ... ...

I remember exactly what I thought immediately afterwards: "That... is the biggest cop out of all time!" That thought probably broke the dream for me, because I woke up shortly thereafter. But seriously, not even in my dreams do these people die? Well, that's not too surprising considering the fact that nobody has died in Naruto since about 100 issues ago.(Talking about the manga, not the anime. Also, I might be wrong on that one point.) And what about when Gaara died? That actually made me sad, but I could've dealt with it. But instead of staying dead, he came back to life at the expense of some character nobody cared about. But, hey, Gaara is still alive! Then Orochimaru died. And then the entire Hidden Leaf village was obliterated and everyone died. And then everyone lived. Then Itachi died- wait, no, that was just a jutsu. Oh, SHIT! Orochimaru is BACK! Oh, he's dead again. Cool. NOOO SASUKE IS DYING- Huh, wait, no, that's another jutsu... Itachi is dying again, but he's still standing. He's going to live and he's going to kill Sasuke and eat his eyeballs! Now he's dead again. And he was always a good guy! Even when he murdered his entire family, he was just doing what was best. Oh, shit, the Akatsuki got the hachibi! Actually, that was a tentacle... And now the crazy shark guy from Akatsuki has died... No, wait, he did not. I know I missed a lot, and some of it is probably out of order, but that's pretty much how it goes. It's just a roundabout mess of cop outs and stupid plot twists that you see coming from a mile away. LIke the recent flashback to 16 years ago? Why did we need that? And why did they(Shonen Jump) feel the need to attempt to build supsense with lines like: "Who's face lies behind the mask? Naruto is in danger!" or "The fourth Hokage wins the battle of speed!" or something else that was equally obvious due to the fact that Naruto is still alive? It just amazes me to see how far downhill Naruto has gone. It's also irritating.

Not that it's going to stop me from finishing it, though. Yeah, I'm dumbass. But I might as well. 505 issues in, what's another 505 issues to go?

Well, we got off track for a little while there, but I couldn't let it go. All of this, of course, builds up to my main point: Kishimoto has lost it. When people start having dreams of bullshit moments that are actually not too far out of the realm of possibilities for the series, that is a bad sign. A really bad sign. Naruto needs to stop having flashbacks and just end itself already. We know how it's going to end, anyway. Naruto is going to win the fight against Sasuke, Sasuke will live because Naruto's a pussy, kabuto will die(most likely in the most underwhelming way ever), the akatsuki will all die, Madara will die and world peace will reign over everything forever. Sorry to spoil it all for you, but that's how it's going to go. Stop crying about it and go watch Gurren Lagann or something.

I mean it. Go watch Gurren Lagann. You're eyeballs will thank you.

Jeff Hackmann, AKA Dark-NESS